Interbeing

“If you have lost money or faith, when you are sick or a family member is suffering from illness or addiction, even when a child is in jeopardy, you are not alone. You are sharing in the inevitable trouble of human incarnation. On this very day, hundreds of thousands of others are also dealing with loss of money or a new diagnosis, or holding their sick child, sometimes alone, sometimes reaching out to others for support. Breathe with them and hold their pain with yours, sharing courage and compassion…

     As you open beyond the self, you realize that others are part of your extended family.”

     Sorry to lead with such a heavy message, but the dire situations author and psychologist Jack Kornfield mentions above are often the conditions in which we find ourselves; it is indeed the “human incarnation” to experience hard times. The good news, however, is that we are not as alone as life’s challenges can make us feel.

     Kornfield is a Buddhist, a spiritual tradition that embraces the concept of interbeing, the reality that whether we feel it or not, we are all connected. Because pain of any kind often results in inordinate self-focus, we can easily lose sight of the fact that many others are in the same boat, feeling isolated in their pain as we are in ours. This truth may not lessen the pain that comes with life’s tragedies and travesties, but it is helpful to feel less alone.

     The connection that interbeing posits is not merely a matter of shared experiences, whether sorrowful or joyful, but with an existential bond, a union, the truth that all humanity is a global village, an “extended family.” When we lose sight of interbeing we are likely to tend toward tribalism, a sense of identity based on external likenesses such as shared interests, ethnicity, religious beliefs, political persuasions, etc.; these differences are real, and can blind us to a common spiritual bond that is even more real.

     Those of us who take the spiritual life seriously sometimes run the risk of becoming overly self-focused, forgetting that spirituality is not just about inner-peace and consolation, that it is not merely about a relationship with our own soul, but with the soul of humanity as well. We need not look far to see the division and devastation, both within and around us, that results when we lose touch with the profound truth of interbeing.